The Singing Winds
Winds were singing to me; at first I could
understand them, word by word; then in any moment
their words became more meaningless; up to a point
where I could not realise what they were singing at
once, as I became more conscious. I had a creepy
feeling. Something was going on around me. The
Wind was really singing like a man or several men
together. I listened more carefully; I still could hear
some words; very melodic and elaborated; they were
reciting a lyric that was losing its meaning every
moment.
I opened my eyes; it was dark and cold; I was coiled
under a thin blanket, in a night of late of December.
It was really windy outside; the wind could break
through the windows and move the curtains, lamenting
loudly. I could still recognize the voices, but no words
were perceptible. I closed my eyes again and came back
to my inner world. It was the strangest dream that I
have ever had; “She…” I remembered; she was there,
after so many years. “I would die to see her again!”
What wind blew that angel down to the soil? I
wished I would never wake up. “Once more, I didn’
t know how to find the words to keep her staying”.
I tried to recall the last time that I saw her. What
time was the last time? I remembered once that I had
much bigger hands and a thin shoulder with a dusty face
walking near the river and following butterflies and
smelling the evaporating Willows on early days of that
warm July, as I saw curious lady-birds searching on
flowering Purple Loosestrifes, and watching the
streams shifting their direction into the woodland.
And while walking near the river, I was wondering
about my perplexing world and asked myself questions:
what was the colour of the uncertainty, the sound of
panic, and the smell of time-wasting? And as I
walked along enough, I reached where white Acacia
were flowering and school holidays stretched to all breezy
summer nights with sounds and scents. School time
was over and it was the summer holiday. Boys used to
play all the afternoon until late evening.
My room felt unpleasantly cold. I coiled tighter and
turned to the other side of my bed. I saw the yellow rays
of light getting through the window, elucidating some
objects on the table, reflecting through glasses and
shimmering into my sleepy eyes. I remembered the
gleaming lights of a party in the same summer, with all
neighbours and their relatives along with all relatives of
their friends; I could still hear the sound of music and
smell the perfumes from distance. I walked along the
long patio with lanterns twinkling through maidenhair
trees, to the steps and entered the enormous entrance
hall crowded by people, men and women who were
drinking, smoking, talking, and chortling. Most of
them were parents, middle age, in suit and prestige.
The suffocating aroma of smoke, perfumes, sweat,
alcohol and fried chicken and beef kebab was giving me
a heavy dizziness. Then I find a way through them
towards where those agitating clamour of young people
and music came from; many young girls and boys were
dancing. I was something like ten or eleven years old
and most of them in their twenties or around that. They
looked splendid. I admired their dazzling perfection.
I could never have any idea how I would look like
when I would be at their age; and at that moment,
how could I compare their nice height and fantastic
proportions to my irregular ugly being. I would like to
walk through the dancers to get to the other side of the
saloon, to have a better view to them; hands and legs
were stretching into my way from every side, a last
update of late seventies disco dance, but practically in a
mess. Then wondering how to find the right direction,
I was almost stuck among them. Some faces were
familiar; many of them were quite new. They were
properly busy with dancing and enjoyed themselves, as
their faces were full of happiness, dream and satisfaction.
A girl looked down at me and smiled. “Hey” she
called. I looked up and recognized Mairin, an
acquaintance of my sister, in her early twenties. She
had to shout “would you like to dance?” I felt the heat
of blood in my ears; I shrugged and looked down; her
shiny belt caught my eyes; she looked so pleasant. Now
I can imagine how I would look with that silly smile
and suggestive look, let’s say rude, as my eyes
scrutinized her from top to bottom. I was still too
young to find any barrier of words between me and the
reality; so any inspiration could be deep and moving.
Anyhow, she was a girl from a higher class world,
with short black hair and something invisible on her
mind.
She took my hand and walked ahead “then come with
me; you know me, don’t you? Your sister is dancing
over there, can’t you see her? Never mind. I think I
even knew your name. Hey mum! Hey Su! Wow;
have fun! Such a nasty headache; I need to drink
more; I mean water; no worries I’ll ask him to get
me something; it must be somewhere around there.
Funny stuff! Huh? You know that honey, girls
always like funny guys. Ah! Yeah. Here we are”
Then she looked back down towards me and said:
“her”. I could not understand her properly; I was
getting a staggering mood, somehow, because of
breathing that delirious air. I inquisitively had some
quick glance at her and around us, trying to figure out
what she was talking about. She brought her head
down towards my face and said over “Dance with
her!” and she pulled herself aside and without pointing
anywhere said “her over there with the scarlet gown”.
Now I could clearly know who she was talking about:
Ellyn; a girl that I had seen her once before in
another occasion, but never spoke to her. She was at
my age and the same height, and well known to
everyone because of her unique prettiness.
I knew so far that Ellyn belonged to an extremely
rich family, connected to the “Qajar” dynasty, who
ruled the Persian Empire for seven generations until
the late Victorian era, when their incompetent
successors of the monarch who destroyed the whole
integrity of the country, disgracefully were forced to
abdicate. Nevertheless, even one century after
extermination of the Qajar realm, their relatives still
considered themselves as “imperial” family, and
possessed many vital positions in the government
especially cultural key organisations, like main
universities, museums and libraries; even they hold a
deep respect to themselves among people. Ellyn, whose
exceptionally original beauty was admired by everyone,
belonging to a royal family or not, genuinely was
regarded as a real princess. Mairin encouraged me
again “there she is; Ellyn,” and intimately added
“she’s dancing alone”. Then the two girls exchanged a
glorious smile. “I cannot dance” I replied; but there
was no sign of Mairin anymore, who all of a sudden
disappeared among vigorous dancers. Now I was
standing in front of Ellyn watching her moves: one
arm bent down as the hand was touching her swaying
hip, and the other arm straight above pointing
somewhere with her finger. Then with a smile and
nearly closed eyes, intriguingly, she had a twinkling
glance on me; very strong, superior and just for a
fraction of a second; it was for the first time that I felt
being that much appreciated by “outside” world; and
she, the world, considered me as “the one” for her; wow;
thus unexpectedly I was someone significant; well, an
embarrassing honour for someone who was not used to
that. “I cannot dance” I repeated quietly and smiled
with timidity.
I could even feel the warmth of waves shining from her
inspiring entity on my temples; I realized that her
glowing orange-red dress was contrasting increasingly
with her skin. Then I wished I could paint her to see
her again and again. But there was a problem: when
you see an image and close your eyes and imagine what
you have seen, and paint what you have imagined, the
outcome would be an impression of the original; but in
her case, the painting would spoil the truth, since her
reality was more impressive! Well I don’t remember
anything else about that night. Possibly before leaving
there, I looked at her again to absorb and remember
as many details as I could; then I walked out, and
soon found myself moving southwards, where the
orange stars with yellow aura in Prussian blue sky
were illuminating the objects with the oldest light ever
seen on the planet; and while wandering to nowhere,
I asked myself questions “Why is heaven above and
soil below? Why Aries is always in opposition to
Scorpio? Can the universe guide man?” I looked
backed at myself: my big hands, narrow shoulders and
paddle-shape feet; dreadfully I was not the one that I
wanted to be; or maybe I could be if I dreamed in a
different way; and obviously it was worth, if and only if,
Ellyn would be in that world too. But how could I
find the way and how did it work the way I would
desire: What world would be better to live in? Was
that world behind the sky?
Could I fly at once?
I inhaled as much air as I could and strangely my
chest could still have more space for air, the way that I
could clearly see its striking growth upwards. Then I
began running fast, as fast as I could, flapping the
arms and jumping high after any few paces.Soon I
fell down, out of breath, in an extraordinary dizziness.
The whole sky was moving round my head; dusty and
exhausted lied down on the damp grass and closed my
eyes; what if I suddenly could fly high but unexpectedly
would forget what I had learned in a second - as I’
m constantly in trouble with my memory in recent time
- not knowing how to keep flying, or for what reason
I was there above at all?! I realized some
transformations in the shape of my body, as my hands
were bigger than before, and my chest bowed onwards.
The air smelt like fresh floating sea salt dust from the
southern Caspian costs. I opened my eyes. A man
was standing a few steps away from me. He had a
huge body: wide and round. He was wearing a long
cloak, embroidered with golden threads and jewels. A
moving dark shade from leaves covered his face but his
eyes were shimmering while reflecting the light of moon.
He sounded a monster of the human, frightening and
horrifically dominant. “The insincere servants are
blameworthy for all damages to the folks not me” he
began to speak with a pliable voice while he was
approaching me slowly “as they never complied with
what I desired.”
By now I was standing in front of him. He came
even closer and I could see his eyes staring at distant
horizon. I would say something politely however I
preferred to keep silent as he continued “And what did
I do?!” he shouted deafeningly opening his arms to
sides. I mentioned a printed email of mine in his right
hand and all my words in there.Then he turned back
to the plain villagers standing behind him “What did
I do for you folks?!” and answering himself turned
around “I made a world for these people to live in!
They were happy, busy and found what they ever
wanted; even made fortunes, competed with each other
for goodness’s sake, found mates, and fell in love!”
“Why did you take that world from them then?” I
asked. “Am I God?” he asked looking at everyone
with an honest face “I am a man too; besides,”
sardonically added “even God retrieves, anytime he
wants to” At this moment, he took a pace nearer
towards me and bent down “Now tell me what you are
doing in my garden?” he threatened. His mouth
smelled as he freshly had drunk a gulp of beer from an
ashtray. It was revolting and I pulled back. What
was the difference between man and monster?
Do smokers deserve any French kiss?
Now he was badly furious: behind him, a bunch of
strong men all in black armour, covered face, and
holding Arabic swords: I ran fast, as fast as I
could; they stormed behind me; vicious and cruel; and
they were getting nearer and nearer. once more, I
tried to inhale as much air as I could, flapping my
hands and jumping above in every few pace, if by any
luck, I could fly away before being chopped into small
pieces; however, I could not fly at all. And suddenly
I found myself across narrow dark streets of an
unusually empty city, breathless and alone. No one
was following me anymore; I had the chance to stand
and take a deep breath. As I walked along enough,
gradually I saw people who were gathering there to
celebrate the New Year’s Eve, happy and loud,
enjoying the time and each other’s company. It was a
relief indeed. Even I had some nice companies: eight
of my best classmates, all in black suits and white shirts,
absolutely gorgeous and charming. But suddenly I
realized that my hands got even bigger than before; and
that was not all: strange curved knees, a bent back, and
a huge chest; I was genuinely turned into a weird
creature. No one looked like me, not even my near
friends.
I felt ashamed and humiliated; how would any one
like to be a friend of such a hideous being? I just walked
away from them in silent and agony. Now I was
right in the middle of that city, where people cheerful and
loud were celebrating the New Year, while I looked
at their faces, one by one, and listened to them, word by
word. I walked and walked and walked, until I
reached somewhere that the streets looked empty again.
All of a sudden, I mentioned a recognizable shadow
from the distance moving away. I followed it as fast as
I could; but it was escaping from me swiftly. I could
trace that familiar fragrance which was drawing a line
behind it: nothing could stop me chasing that
memorable being. In a moment the shadow
disappeared from any range of sight and there was no
other sign of it anymore. But as I turned back a
huge black giant behind me held my neck and lifted me
above, to the level of his face; he had two horrendous
sparkling eyes and a two-branched long beard.
“What do you want from me?” he asked with a creepy
voice. “I’m metamorphosing to a freaky creature never
seen anywhere else” I replied crying “How can I
become a normal man?” He suddenly opened his
fingers and I fell down from above. Then he turned
his face to another side and gazed towards the distant
horizon. I, motionless and open-mouthed, was
waiting for his next reaction. “I don’t know” he
replied “maybe you had wished to be like that, or you
were supposed to turn into something like that. Maybe
what you did accumulate in you, like that, or possibly
you just would like to become like that” while his mood
was changing to a humorous creature “or because you
just dreamed so”
What is the difference between a normal man and a
real man actually? I was puzzled.
I stood up and walked away. I went and went, until
I reached an empty land with grey soil and dusty air,
where you could never hear any other voice but the tone
of crying ghosts. Gradually fear dominated me, until
I recognized the presence of a mob of horrifying black
ghouls with long hairy legs and hideous spiky fangs,
exactly behind me: I cried and ran. But now my
legs were heavy and tired. I had to struggle to take any
single step; I wanted to cry but no air could pass
through my throat. Suddenly I saw myself detaching
from the ground, flying high above, simply by flapping
arms, like a chimera of a beast-vulture, with human
heart. I flew around for a while, without being tired at
all, and landed above a high tower with smoky
machicolations all round. I stand on the edge of a
pinnacle, and let the wind embrace me, feeling no
dread or regret. That was the best sensation about life
I had ever experienced so far.
Exactly at this moment, the wind brought me that
familiar fragrant again. Now I well knew that it
was Ellyn. I turned back and saw her just a few steps
away from me, with closed eyes, facing above, smelling
the air, and enjoying the wind caressing her face.
Now she was much older, maybe thirty or something,
with long shiny hazel-ginger hair, that waved and
drifted its direction through the mysterious land of her
past. I was bursting in my skin from the utmost delight
and revelation; moreover I turned into the form of a
common man, perhaps discovering me back in contrast
of her presence. “Well I saw your great great-great-
something grand father, just somewhere…” while I
was pointing back with my finger, “…and I liked
him.” I knew that I was lying just for her
gratification, and possibly she knew it, as well.
I remembered when I was that foolish boy and I
saw her for the first time, and afterwards, for the rest of
my life I have always been thinking of her and she had
been the beginning and the end of any beautiful thought
I’ve ever had. However after that passing instant, a
very unpleasant frostiness dominated me; I felt that I
was moving out of that place and clearly understood that
she was not there anymore. I could find no trace of her
around me. “Ellyn” I shouted around “Could you
get back please? Please! Did you hear what I
wanted to say?” There was no trace of her at all. I
saw that I had been talking to my self alone,
throughout my life, and she could have never been there,
not even for a moment… At this time the wind began
pushing me to the edge of the tower which gradually
turned to be horrifically high, even above the clouds.
Then the wind with another cruel push, threw me
down. I, upside-down and aggravated, fell down like
a pebble, fast and senseless. Miraculously I landed
safe on the middle of a flat desert without anything but
ruthless winds. Any direction I chose to go, the wind
twisted against me. Now I clearly felt that the wind
was alive, with soul and perception: obviously he was
fighting me for a mysterious reason. “Then let me
know which way you want me to go,” I notified him,
exhausted and surrendered “or not to go.” “Beyond
those never-ending ruins, no home is waiting for
anyone” he said.
It was the time to move on. Since then the winds, that
turned out to be more than one person, were not as cruel
as they looked before; I listened to their choir, as they
were reciting poems with their resonant voices.